Skip to main content

The Perfect Lawn

The perfect lawn is respect, it is honour.
It is to be noticed and to be loved.
A perfect lawn brings light to a neighbourhood.
Your lawn.
They all know it is your lawn.

A good lawn requires great attention and care.

First you must have a spot of your own to grow your lawn.
Why not take someone else's spot?
This is the quickest way.
Though perhaps the path well traveled is to be yours. Take the steps, and with a knife of your very own, wash this road with the blood of others that travel along its length.
Now you stand at the top of the mountain.
Bottle the blood of those from your journey, you will need this later.

Now you may plant the seeds.
You may do this anytime, as with these down lights the sun always shines on your lawn.
Time will pass slowly, as you are excited and drip with anticipation.
Perhaps we can speed this up?
Of course!
Take the blood of those that tread your path, and sprinkle it across your lawn.

Now your lawn has grown lush and lavish, but perhaps too bold?

Well we have the latest model of trimmer.
It cuts, shears and shaves.
It wants, wishes and needs what is best for your lawn.
It is keen, eager and excited to begin.
It will work perfectly this one time only.

Now your lawn is perfect.
It is shaped, it is inviting and it calls to all.
Though, perhaps it could be a touch more green.
All the lawns you know, you can recall from memory, are that exact shade they all love.

Well, take this.

Meticulously designed by our team of beautiful people who all use it on their own lawns.
Simply spray it lightly on your lawn 32 times a day or whenever the compulsion defeats all reason.

Your lawn is everything.
Everyone loves it.
Everyone knows it is your lawn.

Now, what will happen on your lawn?